


All the ways to end

by Dalankar



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol is a ghost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the ways to end

He's dead.

 

At least, Chanyeol is pretty sure he's dead. How else can he explain this place? It's all just white. Everything is just white. Except, isn't that Jongin over there? Slowly getting to his feet.  The last thing Chanyeol remembers is driving, worrying about the tense silence in the car after Jongin told him to ‘just shut up and drive.’

 

_It is time._ A disembodied voice suddenly booms. Chanyeol looks around wide eyed, fists up in defence.

 

"Jongin, did you hear that?" he yells.

 

_He cannot hear you_ , says the voice. But Jongin can obviously see him because Jongin’s eyes widen when they spot him. Chanyeol sprints. But before he's even half way, he hits a wall of air, of something invisible that does not Baekhyund or break, as much as Chanyeol kicks at it. Jongin joins him on the other side. They face each other across the wall. Jongin looks scared. Jongin, who is never scared of anything, even that massive spider that had fallen on him when they were so innocently sitting under their favourite tree during lunch, is looking at him with wide, scared eyes. Chanyeol touches a hand to the wall in front of him. Jongin doesn't hesitate to reach out and place his hand over Chanyeol’s.

 

Chanyeol looks up in the general direction of where he assumes the disembodied white voice comes from. "Let us go."

 

_No._

 

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. It was worth a try. He meets Jongin's wide, worried eyes with a small smile.

 

"Let him go."

 

For a long moment there is only silence. _Only one need pass._

 

So he _is_ dead. Jongin is frowning at him now.

 

"I’ll stay."

 

Jongin presses closer to the wall, frowning. "Chanyeol." Even if Chanyeol can't hear Jongin's voice, he knows the shape of his name on Jongin's lips.

 

Chanyeol smiles. "See you later, Jongin."

 

Jongin's eyes widen and the whiteness fades.

 

And blink.

 

 

He's a ghost.

 

Chanyeol is pretty sure he's a ghost. How else can he explain the way he just passed through that wall?

Chanyeol glides around the apartment. It doesn't take him long to realise where he is. Because that's Jongin asleep, nestled in a cocoon of blankets. Chanyeol stares. He's haunting Jongin? Is this his job? His ghostly responsibility? He supposes it isn't so bad. At least with Jongin he'd get to see his friends once in a while. And keep Jongin out of trouble. Chanyeol draws closer when Jongin shifts restlessly in sleep. Jongin murmurs suddenly, caught up in a nightmare.

 

"Stop," Jongin pleads. "Don't."

 

Chanyeol stares down at Jongin wide eyed. What is he supposed to do? Just because he is a ghost doesn't mean he knows how to help? Even if he'd been alive, he would have just gotten Baekhyun to fix it.

 

He reaches out hesitantly, fingers grazing over Jongin's forearm. Jongin shivers and instantly draws away. Chanyeol snatches his hand back as goose bumps rise over Jongin's skin. Of course. Ghosts are meant to be cold, aren't they? Chanyeol curses. He should have known that, he'd seen enough ghost movies. And Jongin has always hated the cold, always rugging up in multiple layers and complaining incessantly even in the mildest weather.

 

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol whispers, running a frustrated hand through his hair. It's his first day and he's already messed up.  But Jongin stills and curls a little closer to him. His dark hair is falling over his face and Chanyeol stays his hand from reaching out to brush it back. He doubts he can do it anyway. Instead, he sits down cross-legged on the floor by Jongin's bedside.

 

"Jongin, don't have nightmares anymore."

 

The lines ease from Jongin's face and Chanyeol sings the lyrics to all the songs he knows until morning. 

 

 

 

Something in Chanyeol’s chest tugs painfully at him when he sees Baekhyun. He wonders if Baekhyun has gotten a new housemate. Wonders if he threw away all of Chanyeol’s things, finally glad have the apartment free of all of his clutter. Wonders if he misses him. Chanyeol drifts to his feet as Baekhyun makes his way towards Jongin, Sehun and Kyungsoo in tow. Jongin stands up from where he’d been leaning against their tree, tucking the ethics textbook he’d been reading back in his bag.

 

"You look happy," Baekhyun comments, falling into step beside Jongin as they make for the student café under the library.

 

Jongin shrugs. "Been sleeping better."

 

"What? No more nightmares?" Sehun asks curiously, peering around Baekhyun to look at Jongin closely.

 

"They stopped."

 

Chanyeol sings the same songs every night. But Jongin doesn't seem to mind.

 

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol tries, just in case. Just because Jongin can’t hear him doesn’t mean no one else could. But Baekhyun is excitedly plotting how to get Junmeyon to make them free coffee. It takes Chanyeol a moment to realise that Kyungsoo had stopped, and is staring into space with wide eyes.

 

"Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol asks hesitantly, peering at Kyungsoo and watches as Kyungsoo's eyes widen even further.

 

"Hey Kyungsoo, what's with you?" Sehun calls. "You look like you've seen a ghost!"

 

Kyungsoo swallows and shakes his head and runs over to join them. Jongin throws a hand over his shoulder and Sehun laughs at him over his pale face.

Chanyeol stares after them. He can't even laugh at Sehun’s ghost comment because Kyungsoo had heard him! He's willing to bet his ghostly life on it.

 

 

He corners Kyungsoo in the toilet. The others are outside; happily drinking the coffee they had coerced Junmeyon into making for them.

 

Chanyeol watches Kyungsoo's pale face in the mirror as Kyungsoo washes his hands.

 

"Kyungsoo."

 

Kyungsoo shivers violently and grips the counter with white knuckled hands.

 

"Chanyeol?"

 

Chanyeol grins.

 

"Yeah."

 

Kyungsoo's eyes search for him in the mirror.

 

"How? What- are you a ghost?"

 

"Yep."

 

Kyungsoo swallows. "Are you haunting me?"

 

Chanyeol laughs. "Nah, man. Don't look so freaked out. I'm with Jongin."

 

Chanyeol doesn’t think it possible for Kyungsoo's eyes to widen any further. But they do. "Does he know?"

 

Chanyeol shakes his head. "No. I don't think so."

 

"You know he blames himself. He nearly… he hasn't been well, Chanyeol."

 

Chanyeol tries to swallow past the lump in his throat.

 

"Not his fault, Kyungsoo. It wasn't his fault. Tell him that."

 

Kyungsoo sighs. "We've tried. He doesn't listen. But he looks better today. Is that… is that because of you?"

 

Chanyeol shrugs. "Maybe. I took his nightmares away."

 

"How long will you stay?"

 

Chanyeol doesn't know. "I don't know," he answers truthfully. He's never done this before.

 

 

Everyone travels to his grave for the one year memorial. Chanyeol is curious about getting to see his own tombstone. The cemetery is beautiful. The garden is well kept and since spring is just around the corner, flowers are already beginning to bloom. But no one seems to appreciate that it is a beautiful day. They are all so melancholy.

 

"It's not their fault that they're sad because you're dead, you idiot!" Kyungsoo hisses when Chanyeol complains and earns himself an alarmed glance from Sehun, who edges closer to Baekhyun not so discretely.

 

Chanyeol sighs and sticks close to Jongin, who is almost shaking by the time they get to the grave. Chanyeol thinks it must be because of him but the shaking gets worse when he steps away so he resolves to stick to Jongin like glue until they're away from this unhappy place.

 

Chanyeol is disappointed by his epitaph.

 

_Here lies Chanyeol. Beloved son, brother and friend. May he rest in peace._

 

He wishes they'd let Baekhyun write the message. He would have made it more exciting.

 

_Here lies Chanyeol, the bastard who threw up on my bed on my birthday._

 

Or.

 

_Here lies Chanyeol, beloved because he could reach the top cupboards._

 

But even Baekhyun seems subdued today, dark, oversized sunglasses hiding his eyes. For the first time it hits Chanyeol, the effect his loss must have had on his friends. He'd never thought they'd miss him so much. Never knew they loved him this much.

 

"I love you guys so much," he says tearfully, not surprised at all that there are tears in his eyes.

 

Kyungsoo's eyes widen, and then soften immediately. "We love you Chanyeol," Kyungsoo says softly.

 

"Yeah, you stupid bastard. What am I going do with all your shit in the apartment?" Baekhyun complains without any real heat. Chanyeol can't help but smile.

 

"At least he doesn't have to worry about exams," Sehun laments. "I'm going to fail all of mine."

 

Jongin stays behind when the others move away to set up the picnic. Chanyeol kneels down beside him as Jongin picks absently at the grass under his feet. Chanyeol frowns at the photo his parents had inset into the headstone. It's from one of their family portraits, Chanyeol in that stupid suit he hated with his hair gelled back, and looking like he's about to sell insurance to people. He's sure Baekhyun must have made all the possible jokes when he'd first seen it.

 

Maybe.

 

"I'm sorry." Chanyeol stills when Jongin speaks, his voice soft and sad. "Chanyeol, I'm so sorry."

 

Chanyeol can see the tears on Jongin's face. He reaches out with a frown. Jongin shouldn't be unhappy. Especially not because of him. But Jongin tears himself away, getting to his feet and heading after the others.

 Chanyeol stares after him, open mouthed and thinks maybe this is what he's here to fix.

 

 

 

"Stop! Stop it!"

 

Chanyeol sits ups straight. He'd confined himself to the living room when Jongin brought the man home. Chanyeol hadn't liked him. He had a sharp, cold face. Chanyeol had been alone in that opinion though. Even Baekhyun, who thinks anyone below a Vogue model is beneath his notice, had grudgingly agreed that the guy was cute. Chanyeol had been miserable. And since Kyungsoo hadn't been there, all his complaints had fallen on deaf ears.  

 

He snaps to his feet when he hears Jongin cry out in pain and he's in the bedroom in a flash. The man has Jongin pressed up against the wall, trying to kiss him while Jongin is trying to push him back. He's hurting Jongin. Chanyeol rushes at him without thought. He doesn't know what will happen. Doesn't know what a ghost can do. He just wants this man away from Jongin as fast as possible.

 

Chanyeol feels himself pass through the man, feels the lust and the alcohol burning in his blood. He sees Jongin through the man's eyes, beautiful and a little broken and easy pickings. Chanyeol feels his own hate burn and the next time he is aware, the man is on the floor, choking and gasping.

 

"I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry."

 

Chanyeol watches as the man stumbles out of the room and hears the front door slam shut a moment later. Jongin has fallen on to the bed. He is crying. Chanyeol can see the tears soaking into the pillow under his head. Chanyeol hesitates for a moment, wishing he could at least draw up the blankets over Jongin's shaking body. Chanyeol is about to go get Kyungsoo when he hears Jongin's voice.

 

"Chanyeol?" Jongin's voice is soft. Unsure.

 

Chanyeol freezes. "Jongin?" he asks in a voice edged with hope. Maybe finally, after all this time, Jongin finally knows he's here.

 

"Chanyeol, you're here aren't you?" Jongin asks and Chanyeol draws closer to the bed in amazement.

 

"I know you're here. I hear your voice in my dreams."  
 

Chanyeol can't help the smile that spreads across his face. "I'm here." He grazes a hand fleetingly over Jongin's arm, watches the goose bumps rise up in retaliation. But instead of moving away, Jongin moves closer. There is a small smile curling up at the edge of his lips.

 

"Don't go," Jongin whispers. "Don't leave me."

 

Chanyeol sits down at the edge of the bed and sings. He doesn't let go of Jongin's hand.

 

 

 

Jongin starts to talk to him after that. Even when he can't see Chanyeol, can't even hear him, Jongin talks, makes jokes, gossips. Chanyeol always holds his end of the conversation, even if Jongin can't hear. Even if he desperately wishes he could.

He laughs at Jongin's jokes and stays closer to Jongin than he'd dared since he woke up on this side of life. Jongin doesn't pull away, doesn't tell him to stay away. He almost seems happier when Chanyeol is close, even with the permanent chill.

 

They're watching TV one weekend. Jongin is mocking every single word that comes out the male lead's mouth and Chanyeol is laughing so hard that he's actually slipped through the couch and on to the floor. He's wondering why they never did this before when he was alive. Chanyeol would have liked to. But Jongin always stuck closer to Sehun and Kyungsoo and Chanyeol hung around with Baekhyun and Junmyeon. He should have tried harder. He would like to know what Jongin's skin feels like when he slides his fingers over it. He would like Jongin to actually see him and hear his voice when he wakes up in the morning.

 

"That guy really needs to shave. Like, how does she bear to have him kiss her?" Jongin wonders as Chanyeol drifts back up from the floor. They don't hear Baekhyun come in until he speaks.

  
"Jongin?"

 

Jongin springs to his feet, Chanyeol only a second behind. Baekhyun is looking at Jongin curiously.  "Who are you talking to?"

 

The thing with Jongin is that he is almost physically incapable of lying.   So he stopped trying a long time ago. Chanyeol watches the changes come over Baekhyun’s face like clouds in the sky as Jongin tells him the truth. Chanyeol sees the worried frown on Baekhyun’s face grow deeper and deeper as if it's trying to etch itself into Baekhyun’s face as the words 'Chanyeol' and 'ghost' escape Jongin's lips. Chanyeol knows he has to do something before Baekhyun decides it would be for the best if Jongin spends sometime in a mental institution.

 

He appears in the apartment Kyungsoo shares with Junmyeon and Sehun just as Kyungsoo is pressing 'start' on the microwave.

 

"Kyungsoo!"

 

Kyungsoo shudders violently before slowly turning around. "Chanyeol?" he asks hesitantly.

 

"You need to get to Jongin's place right now!"

 

Kyungsoo's face transforms with worry. "Is he alright?"

 

Chanyeol swirls around impatiently. "Yeah...but he… Baekhyun found out about me! And… please just get there before Jongin gets packed off to the mental asylum forever!" Chanyeol is shouting by the end and Kyungsoo has stepped as far back as possible, back pressed against the kitchen counter.

 

"Hurry, Kyungsoo!" Chanyeol urges and gets back to Jongin before Kyungsoo can voice any of his questions.

 

When he comes back, Baekhyun is sitting beside Jongin on the couch, face still deeply concerned.

 

"- my fault!" Jongin is saying. Chanyeol stares wide eyed at the tears falling quietly down Jongin's face. "I wanted him to drive faster. He came to pick me up even when he didn't have to and I didn't want to be late and it was my fault." Baekhyun pulls Jongin into his arms before Chanyeol can get there.

 

"It wasn't…" Chanyeol whispers, watching the way Jongin's shoulders tremble as he cries. "It wasn't your fault, Jongin, please don't cry."

He settles at the edge of the couch beside Jongin and touches a hand to his back. Jongin pulls away from Baekhyun and Chanyeol wraps his arms around Jongin from behind as Jongin sighs.

 

Kyungsoo announces his arrival by slamming the door open and promptly bending over to gasp for breath.

 

"Jongin's not crazy!" Kyungsoo wheezes. "Chanyeol is here."

 

Baekhyun gets to his feet, followed by Jongin, both gaping at Kyungsoo.

 

"What? Kyungsoo-" Baekhyun starts but Kyungsoo cuts him off.

 

"I've spoken to him. He's really here. He's been here with Jongin for months now," Kyungsoo explains, eyes travelling between two stunned faces staring back at him. “I can also communicate with ghosts,” he adds. “Obviously.”

 

"Chanyeol?" Kyungsoo calls.

 

Chanyeol gets to his feet but doesn't move away from Jongin. "I'm here."

 

Kyungsoo smiles in his general direction. "Jongin, he's right there."

 

"I know," Jongin replies with a soft smile. "I can feel him."

 

"Then why can't I?" Baekhyun asks, sounding slightly annoyed. "Why can't I feel anything?"

 

Chanyeol grins and the next moment he's got Baekhyun wrapped up in his arms. Baekhyun gasps.

 

"What-"

 

"Baekhyun, I'm here," Chanyeol whispers in his ear.

 

When Chanyeol draws back, there are tears shining in Baekhyun’s eyes and he collapses backwards onto the couch with a cry.

 

"Oh god!"

 

Jongin crouches down beside him immediately as Kyungsoo rushes over. Chanyeol blinks as the room gets brighter. Everything whiter than they were just a moment ago.

 

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun murmurs wonderingly. "You're really here?"

 

Chanyeol smiles. "I'm here. But I think… I think I have to go now."

 

Kyungsoo repeats after him and Jongin's head snaps up.

 

"No!" he cries. "Don't leave!"

 

Chanyeol feels his breath catch. He reaches out to touch Jongin's face with gentle fingers and watches as Jongin's eyes flutter close.

 

"Stay," Jongin whispers.

 

He wants to. Spend the rest of eternity as a ghost by Jongin's side. But he can’t. Chanyeol finally understands why he had woken up by Jongin's side.

 

"Kyungsoo, tell him it wasn't his fault," Chanyeol says, keeping his eyes fixed on Jongin. Kyungsoo speaks, his voice soft and kind. "Tell him it wasn't his fault that my mind was elsewhere that night. It wasn't his fault that I could never keep my head when he was around."

 

Tears escape past Jongin's closed eye lids.

 

"I'm so happy to have spent this time with you. Thank you for letting me stay," he whispers, brushing at Jongin's tears and watching them slip through his fingers.

 

"See you later, Jongin."

 

The last thing he sees is Jongin's brown eyes and the shape of his name on Jongin's lips. Chanyeol smiles.

 

And blink.

 

***


End file.
